The Kryptonite of The Fairer Sex

As modern, educated, ambitious young women, we should never let a romantic relationship take over our lives. We are independent women and the men we allow into our lives are only there to enrich it, not determine it, and if they leave, so be it…on to the next one!

The previous paragraph, I believe, is the product of wishful thinking and what every well adjusted woman wants to act on. But, can we ever really keep only one foot in our relationships and bounce back after heartbreak and disappointment with the confidence that everything else is going well?

Time and time again I see my friends rest their entire happiness on the status of their romantic relationships, or lack thereof. I am victim to this cycle myself, often determining the state of my well-being on my love life. It is bigger than typical heartache or the thrill of falling in love-it’s a hige imbalance between genders and the rank of our priorities.

It is no mystery that twenty-something girls practice this draining lifestyle, but when is reason going to replace romance? I doubt that the average guy mourns the loss of a short term relationship with hours of analyzing and days of starvation followed by days of ice cream.

How much do you think this imbalance affects our professional lives and general happiness? Do men always have the upper hand outside of the relationship due to less emotional involvement?

These questions are as old as time, but as women become more equal will this kryponite of romantic obsession ever fail to get in our way?

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Happy Easter

21 years ago I was born on Easter Sunday. Jesus stole my spotlight (the guy gets 2 birthdays!?) and I got a lot of stuffed bunnies.

I spent this Easter Sunday (not my birthday) at my parents house where I ate my weight in cheese and drank legally in their home for the first time. We tell my Grandma that I have been 21 for years and she is just old and confused…

I’m am about to head back to Boston with zip lock bags of candy…bikini season ain’t happening for me…

Happy Easter!

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The First Date

Not lost, Cinderella just took them off

It may be a result of the overly casual dating world in which I exist where formal dates are as rare as marriage proposals, but generally I cannot physically stand a first date. The combination of forced conversation over a meal wrapped in usually conflicting manners and expectations is worth avoiding. There is no fairy godmother and the ball is usually a trying to be fancy Italian restaurant where you order the cheapest thing on the menu because you feel bad that you won’t be paying (the only thing worse is if you do end up paying for your shitty choice of a meal.)

This is all very pessimistic and Oprah would say that I am coming from “a place of no,” but the anxiety I feel before a first date is rarely worth it in the end. I have found myself nervous to get into the position in which a first date would occur…I know, wishful thinking…but, the more you hype it up, the greater the disappointment.

Maybe I should be cool with a free bowl of pasta with marinara sauce (no meatball, he’s only a college student!) and the fact that someone is willing to put themselves through the theatrics of the overrated event.

Still, my favorite “first date” is the one that comes after several encounters within group settings, or chance run ins when you know you like each other and the formality of the date is just putting things in motion.

Now I want to go on a date.

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Decoding Relationships

Our generation has not only eliminated the term “going steady,” we have invented endless terms to imply anything but steady. I remember when I was in middle school and mu best friend’s older sister had to explain to us what “talking” meant. We did not get it…I remember not recognizing any connection to a romantic relationship with the use of that incorrectly used, incredibly vague term. Now, I use it on a weekly basis. Here is my attempt at decoding the labels that exist between stranger and spouse:

Texting: This is below talking because anyone can shoot random text messages throughout the day, or most typically at night, to a multitude of people. “He texts me,” is almost an equilvalent of we are both single and we met.

Talking: The step beyond “texting.” You are not engaged in an on going, obnoxiously forced conversation that will eventually lead to face to face interaction. Talking is hardly exclusive, but easier to manage when spread throughout different social groups.

Hooking up: Ah, the term that has anyone over 30 perplexed at it’s meaning. I remember my mom saying, “Are you going to hook up with your friends at the mall?” meaning meet up (I knew what she meant, but it always freaked me out regardless…). Hooking up can be making out to something of a more serious nature. This is when feelings get involved, at least on the female side, and it becomes something to talk about…

Together: I personally hate this one. It’s a cop out to dating and makes no sense. Together means you hang out soberly, are publicly seen and are a top priority to each other. Implies exclusivity, but does not always deliver. If you don’t move from this label quickly-move on.

Dating: The obvious, but not always these days. It can sometimes be equal to boyfriend/girlfriend, but can often live beneath it. Both parties are usually in a constant state of elation. This is my favorite part.

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Sadly, even this needs clarification for some, but I’m not going there.

Did I miss a few? Do you disagree with my thoughts?

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A Sincere Request

This girl never had a problem getting a date.

Ladies, I am aware that I am spending more time complaining and analyzing relationships on this blog than most of you ever will take the time to write down, but I have a request.

Please stop using cliche quotes about boys on your Twitter, Facebook and blogs. Actually, try to erase them from your mind, and I think you will be better off. These quotes are created by women who are either Audrey Hepburn or trying to make themselves feel better that they are not. Marilyn Monroe quotes about heartache are not relevant. It was the 50s and she was Marilyn Monroe.

I can recall one quote that made its rounds on the middle school circuit circa 2003 and I was moved by it because I was an insecure, gangly child incapable of flirting or wearing 2 bras to push up my prepubescent breasts. Here it is:

 

“Girls are like apples…the best ones are at the top of the trees. The boys don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples that are on the ground that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples at the top think there is something wrong with them, when, in reality, they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who’s brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree…”

There may be some truth to this one, or at least it’s well stated enough to foster some hope in the hopeless, but we are adults now and it’s time to stick to Lady Gaga and Beyonce quotes when you are feeling empowered.

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The Royal Wedding

The Non-Dress that Launched A Thousand Blog Posts.

Everyone is psyched for the royal wedding and I have to admit that, besides the dress, I did not care very much. Recently, however, I have caught the fever and have been Googling everything about the wedding and British Royal tradition…it’s fascinating.

I always go back to the same thought, imagine being Kate Middleton. She has been dating Prince William for years and is accustomed to the spotlight and mingling with royalty, but the wedding is taking it to a new level. She has gotten cristicism for losing too much weight. EVERYONE loses weight before their weddings, it’s stressful and all your friends will be staring at you and the pictures last a lifetime. Kate will be seen by the world and the pictures will be on every blog and history books. Kate may be the luckiest girl in the world, but she probably needs a Xanax.

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Transformers

We all have the friend who has gone through more style changes than Lady Gaga and switches music tastes faster than an a Girl Talk song. She is not a naturally confused person, or unsure of herself, she is sure of what her boyfriend likes.

She begins to date a hipster living in Allston who inspires her to indulge in Indie music and consignment shops. Her jeans get tighter, she exchanges stilettos for converse and you will occasionally find a cigarette in her hand. She stubbornly insists that she has ben awakened and this is her true self, the boyfriend was simply the gatekeeper of this wonderful world we are all missing out on that lies beyond Packard’s Corner.

Allston gets old and the boyfriend gets distant and moody; it is time for a change. She begins to see a lacrosse player at Harvard. She pulls out her old boat shoes and headbands because it is time to be mature and adult. Dave Matthews is so awesome and she talks about switching her major to econ because that’s where the money is.

Since Harvard/BU relationships have a short shelf life, she will cross back over the bridge soon and return to a state of normalcy until she meets a bro-ish frat guy and is suddenly an active member of her sorority again.

I think you get the point.

We are all victim of of this cycle to a certain extent and it is not always a negative, identity highjacking problem. Relationships and compromise and we should influence one another, but when does it go too far? When does it go from a blending and sharing of tastes to a transformation to please your partner? Please share!

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